The mom-shaming shit needs to stop. Like, now.

If you’ve heard the praises for breastfeeding, you’ve probably also heard the protests that come with it.

So, are you sick of seeing the debate on the news every night? Are you tired of scrolling through your Facebook newsfeed, only to see that every other story preaches the argument for, or against, breastfeeding? Are you utterly exhausted of the #normalizebreastfeeding agenda? Are you appalled by the number of anti-breastfeeding or anti-formula feeding comments that are constantly being generated and pushed in your direction? Hey, me too.

I am SO tired of continuously having to fight for the most natural activity that exists between a mom and their baby. I’m tired of having to advocate for something that should already be a fucking given. I’m tired of the mom vs. mom dichotomy revolving around the myth that there is only way correct way to feed a baby.

Here’s a thought. FED BABIES ARE THE BEST BABIES. And it’s really nobody’s damn business to provide insight or opinion about how a mother chooses to attain that goal. Surprisingly, in the over seven months I’ve been breastfeeding, it’s not bystanders in public that have given grief over how I feed my kid, it’s other MOMS who have had something to say.

It’s one thing to have to defend how I choose to feed MY BABY to say, men, confused spectators, or policy makers—but it’s a whole other issue when I have to defend how I choose to feed my baby to other women, to other moms, to my so-called female “sisterhood” of support. I formula fed my first daughter because at the time, that’s what worked best for us, and I wouldn’t change a damn thing about how I supplied her with the nutrients she needed to live. As I advocate this time around with my second daughter, for more all-inclusive rights to nursing mothers, I will also always advocate for the pressure to be lifted from the shoulders of mothers who want, or need, to formula feed their kids. I’ve been there with formula—I’ve been in the situations with other moms who, when were told that I was giving formula to my baby, looked at me like I had just said I was giving heroin to my child. Formula feeding is hard, and breastfeeding is hard—yet moms are constantly creating dialogues filled with disproval and judgement, when they should instead be facilitating conversations of support and encouragement.

Like I said, this time around, I chose to breastfeed my baby, and with that decision, have come a whirlwind of other obstacles and judgements, much like when I chose to formula feed. For the record, to anyone reading, when I post a story about why women should have the right to nurse, uncovered, in public, just know that I am not bashing formula-feeding methods. When I post an article explaining why nursing mothers should be more supported in the community, I’m not saying formula feeding should be less supported.  In this mom vs. mom culture we live in, it is so easy to assume that everyone is against the decisions we make regarding the health and safety of our children. It’s easy to find credible research that negates breastfeeding, and it’s easy to find credible research that negates formula. If breastfeeding didn’t work for you, that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t still support it. Didn’t formula feed your children? That doesn’t give you the right to judge those that did. Support feeding babies, regardless of what that looks like.

Here’s a thought. Instead of providing discouragement or opposition to a mother’s decision, you instead offer resources to succeed, even if it differs from your own choices of feeding.

Here’s a picture of my first baby, happily drinking her warm bottle of formula, as I cuddled her closely–embracing our own version of feeding time.

And here’s a picture of my second baby, happily drinking from her mother’s breast, as I cuddled her closely–embracing our own version of feeding time.